


Not on the Menu

by JustSomeAsshole



Series: Bill Hader [1]
Category: Saturday Night Live RPF
Genre: Butt Plugs, Coming In Pants, Dom/sub Undertones, F/M, Public Hand Jobs, Sex Toys, Smut
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-08
Updated: 2020-10-08
Packaged: 2021-03-07 17:26:55
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,064
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26901358
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/JustSomeAsshole/pseuds/JustSomeAsshole
Summary: Bill and the reader go out to a fancy restaurant for date night, the reader managed to convince him to wear the vibrating butt plug she bought him - she spends the night having fun....
Relationships: Bill Hader/You
Series: Bill Hader [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2181186
Kudos: 31





	Not on the Menu

**Author's Note:**

> This is entirely fictional. I don't own Bill Hader.

_"You sure you're okay with this?"_  
  
_"I'm sure"_  
  
_"Definitely? Cuz you don't have to"_  
  
_"I'm definitely sure yes, don't worry"_

_"Okay, good - this is gonna be a fun evening"_  
  


"Hello Sir, have you made a reservation?"  
  
"Helloe, yes, it should be under the name Hader" Bill replied with a rising intonation, his thumb softly stroked the side of your hand as your fingers interlocked by your side. He was nervous. You gave his hand a gentle, comforting squease while the matre'd found your reservation. 

"Ah yes Sir I have it right here, if you would like to follow me just this way" the man gestured towards the hall of the restaurant, he began to walk you across the room to a round booth by the wall, there was a slender vase containing a single flower just at the side of the table - it looked pretty, the restaurant's decor seemed warm and romantic and the two of you sat down at opposite sides of the table. Looking across from one another.  
  
"Someone should be with you shortly to take your order - I hope you enjoy your evening" you mirrored the matre'd's polite smile and thanked him, as did Bill. The two of you were left in the presence of each other's company and Bill smiled at you softly.  
  
"What do you think?" He asked. 

"It's beautiful, thank you. God, I love that suit on you" it was true, Bill was wearing a dark blue blazer and a white shirt, it seemed so simple and yet it made him look even more gorgeous than ever.  
  
"Aha - well, thank _you"_ he replied, Bill was blushing slightly at the compliment and that only succeeded in making him more beautiful. "You look gorgeous baby" he added.  
  
"Oh, this old thing" you laughed.  
  


* * *

  
The evening was going brilliantly, Bill had ordered a bottle of Champagne and the menu looked amazing. As you reached for your purse to receive your compact mirror you were reminded of the small remote control, you almost forgot. You managed to convince Bill to wear the plug you bought him for Christmas, the idea started out as a joke but when the two of you started incorporating more adventurous activity into your sex life the prospect became more realistic.  
  
You turned the black remote over in your hand and looked at the small buttons, the toy came with three pulse modes and a regular vibration setting that had six frequencies, each one increasing in intensity. You allowed your thumb to hover over the 'on' button as you looked back up at Bill, he seemed happy. You gave a gentle smile and looked into his bright eyes when you switched it on to the lowest setting - a nice gentle vibration that served as a warming up.  
  
Bill's eyes widened immediately, his bottom lip dropping in suprise as the steady rhythm of oscillation drummed against his prostate.  
  
"That okay?" You asked, noticing his change in breathing.  
  
"Yeah - it's good" Bill responded, you could see his eyes darken and something inside you warmed up to the idea of him getting aroused in public. This kind of trust and power made your stomach flutter and the way that Bill held your line of sight with intense eye contact made you wanna take him right there on that table.  
  
With your hand still delved into your purse you decided to turn the remote up to its second setting before putting the bag back down on the seat next to you. Bill closed his eyes for a moment and you watched when he shifted in his seat, the electric thrum stimulating his sweet spot at a teasing pace that meant Bill couldn't decide if he wanted more or less.  
  


* * *

When the waiter came to the table with a bottle of Champagne you decided to experiment with the pulse, you had to cough back a laugh at the quiet yelp that escaped Bill's mouth. His eyes flashed at the change in frequency as his fingers flexed against the edge of the table.  
  
"You okay darling?" You asked sweetly, Bill narrowed his eyes - you tried not to giggle.  
  
"Fine, sweetheart" he replied with a tense jaw and a gritted smile, his eyes baring into yours.  
  
"You sure? You seem a little...on edge" you smiled, nodding your head in thanks to the waiter pouring two glasses of Champagne in front of you. You flicked the settings higher and let your eyes drift down to where Bill was gripping the table. The waiter finished pouring your drinks with a subtle, suspicious glance in Bill's direction.  
  
"Thank you" you said when the glasses were full, the waiter smiled and nodded before heading off into the rest of the restaurant.  
  
You couldn't help but smile a bit too gleefully at Bill's growing arousal.  
  
"Fuck, you're mean" he exhaled, the lust leaking from his voice took away the bite of the accusation and you chuckled, bringing a glass to your lips and taking a sip of the carbonated liquid.  
  
"You seem to be enjoying it" you replied, placing the crystal flute back down onto the table before shifting slightly across the seat, moving closer to Bill's side in the booth and dropping your hand to his thigh. Bill watched your hand's movements carefully as you began to stroke soft circles into his leg. 

With the frequency at its fourth highest setting Bill's breathing was starting to get more ragged, he could feel his ass muscles clenching in response to the direct stimulation and you smiled at how hard he was trying to remain nonchalant.  
  
You decided to wait another ten minutes until the appetisers arrived at the table before you turned it down to the second setting, giving Bill a chance to relax slightly and eat his food in somewhat peace. However; when the empty dishes were taken from the table and soon replaced with your main course you didn't feel so accommodating, Bill picked up his cutlery so he could start eating the tender stem broccoli at the side of his plate when you snuck your hand back into your bag - his Adam's apple bobbing visibly in his throat when he saw you move.  
  
Giving your boyfriend a sly grin you turned it all the way up to five and saw Bill's eyes roll hard into the back of his skull, he dropped the fork to the table as his fingers flexed in response to the assault on his pleasure centre. You could tell he was holding back so much noise, the vein on his forehead was deeply prominent and you couldn't help but feel your own cheeks blush at the show. Fuck, he looked good.  
  
With Bill's tremoring hand reaching forwards be picked up his glass of Champagne Champagne shakily brought it to his lips, he hid a moan behind the liquid and closed his eyes.  
  
"You gonna cum in front of all these people?" You whispered, low, right against the shell of Bill's burning red ear and watched as a shudder made it's way down his spine. You couldn't help but smile, Bill's flushed pink skin was glowing in the romantic restaurant lighting and there was a sense of power leaking into your brain, you loved to watch him; on screen, on stage, at home - he was beautiful. The steady beat of vibrations climbing throughout his body and causing an inescapable amount of pleasure meant you could see the print of his erection in the right side of his pants, your mouth watered at the visual image of Bill's arousal.  
  
You slowly moved your hand to the bulge in his pants and held your palm over the erection, feeling his body heat through the material you started to rub the heel of your palm into his crotch. Bill moaned as quietly as he could.  
  
With perfect subtlety you reached your other steady hand into the bag by your side, your fingers finding the small, smooth remote control as you smiled to yourself. Bill's eyes widened instantly as they flickered over to your side, watching you in tense anticipation and fear and you felt a tingle in the pit of your stomach. There was something almost sadistic burning in your chest when you turned to lock eyes with the rapidly breathing Bill Hader. He was red in the cheeks and there was an element of helplessness in his eyes, you licked your lips and turned it up all the way. A bolt of electricity shot into his prostate and you could've sworn you heard a small whimper leave his throat as his fingers flexed around his glass. God, those fingers...you tried not to let your mind wander because you were meant to be in control but Bill's hands held a certain weakness for you...they were perfect.  
  
You took a breath and looked back up to his wide eyes, bringing your lip between your teeth and trapping them in a flirtatious innocence that made Bill's jaw clench. His chest was rising and falling audibly faster as his pants became way too tight way too quickly, his cock was warm in his boxers and it was hard to fight off the urge to unzip his slacks and suck him off because Bill so goddamn attractive. His fingers were clenching and he couldn't help but shift in his seat. You pressed your lips back against his ear:  
  
"I wanna watch you fall apart" you whispered cruelly, Bill's eyes were shut tight at the feel of your palm over his clothed crotch, applying pressure through the pants and _grinding_ your hand into his erection until Bill's breath was trapped in his chest.  
  
" _Fuck"_ he moaned, his delightful deep voice now even lower in tone. He leant up against your side with his face turned away from everyone else in the restaurant, even though the nearest person didn't have a very clear view of your table anyway. Bill whimpered quietly and you could feel your own arousal growing quickly at his helplessness.  
  
"Hhn" he breathed, a wordless groan in response to the relentless prostate stimulation and the fact that you were now practically jerking him off over his pants.  
  
"C'mon, wanna see you cum in front of all these strangers" you continued, whispering almost torturous demands into the poor man's ear as his hips began their own subconscious grind into your hand, Bill moaned quietly again and you had to take another look around to make sure nobody was actually paying you any attention. When you saw that the nearby diners were fixed on their own meals and conversation you relaxed slightly, going back to the matter at hand (hehe). Sneaking your free hand back into your purse you were glad Bill's eyes were still closed, it meant that when you pulsed the toy repeatedly he wouldn't expect it. Bill jolted in pleasure and bit the back of his hand to stop from crying out into the restaurant, his eyes opened opposite yours and looked deep into your dark, lust blown pupils that became soaked in arousal when Bill's eyeballs couldn't help but roll into the back of his head again.  
  
With his head practically buried into the crook of your shoulder you felt his cock twitch in his pants, Bill groaned softly and managed to whisper a soft warning that he was close. As the words left his lips and printed against the skin of your neck you felt your own arousal grow deeper. Bill's fingers clenched down hard as his eyes closed tight, his cock twitching again as spurts of cum started to shoot into his boxers, you could hear the strain of his breathing as he groaned as low as he could behind your ear, murmuring a nonsensical string of syllables that vaguely resembled your name as his orgasm pulled throughout his body - clenching his muscles and emptying into his pants.  
  
You waited a minute or two for Bill to ride out the aftershocks before switching off the toy completely - he panted quietly into your shoulder as you tried to control your own breathing, looking around aware of your setting and hoping you weren't attracting any unwanted attention.  
Once Bill caught his breath he sat upright in his seat and grimaced at the cooling liquid setting against his upper thigh. 

_"You're an evil young woman"_  
  
_"I'm sure you'll find a way to get your own back"..._

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks for reading, comments and kudos are always massively appreciated.


End file.
